Anxiety

I woke up to the sound of my own anxieties echoing in my head. This was it, this was the third week I couldn’t get a full night of sleep. This was my life. I was the person who spent every night awake, staring at the wall even though my body ached with tiredness. I couldn’t go to sleep, even if I tried.

When I tried, I’d usually be lucky enough to maybe just get 5 hours of sleep. The feeling was constant. That feeling I got deep in my soul that smothered all peace I had ever had. This wasn’t a new feeling, this was a feeling that I felt for awhile. Something that never left me, only trailed after me as an aroma of stress and anxiety.

I looked to my alarm clock, 3am…I had fallen asleep at 2:30am and was already awake within thirty minutes with my heart pounding from nightmares. Not the small bad dreams, but a literal nightmare confirming every single one of my anxieties I had.

Waking up was something that relieved me so much. Specifically because I could escape all those nightmares or sleep paralysis that kept me awake at night. That night, I woke up to another horrid nightmare. Is this really the life I will be stuck with? I haven’t slept in 3 weeks. Just one night, one night of rest, please God.

Anxiety doesn’t leave us. There is no way to get rid of it, but there is ways to fight it. It doesn’t take our strength to fight it, it takes God’s.

If someone told me I could not get rid of my anxiety awhile ago, I would’ve looked at them with the most confused face ever. I was the person who tried to solve my problems….though half the time I only made them worse. But only if I knew that there really was no way of getting rid of my anxiety.

It wasn’t just a mental battle, but a spiritual battle. The devil uses anything and everything he can to get to us and get in our head. Even anxiety.

When we are vulnerable, we are easy to get in our own minds, which only means the devil has no problem sneaking in and fully breaking us. The devil will tell you that it’ll be never ending, that you can’t do anything about it, that God is not in control, and that you will be trapped in your anxieties and they will happen.

The root of all our anxieties, is unbelief. When we doubt God, when we wonder what will happen or wish we had control, that’s unbelief. We have to trust everything is going to work out for God’s will. We stress about the unknown and things that we are incapable of controlling, because we doubt that God has a plan and most importantly, we don’t believe He does. Establish that unbelief, and destroy that unbelief. Let God be where your hope and faith is placed.

But the truth is, God is in control. And He will turn the evil for good, He will deliver us from our suffering, but we have to have faith. Sometimes that doesn’t always mean having a mountain full of faith, but faith of a mustard seed. Even that faith counts, and if you continue in obedience and exercising that faith, it will grow (Matthew 17:20).

During our panic attacks or anxiety, we need to remember to pray most importantly. God calls us to cast all our anxieties and worries at His feet, because He cares (1 Peter 5:7). God ultimately is in control of our lives, just think He planned who you are, where you were born, who your parents would be, and so much more before you were even alive. That gives us reassurance that even our anxieties, God is in control of. Not a single thing happens that is not apart of God’s plan or within His control.

Even at night, even when our anxieties seem to never stop, even when we are tired and stressed and anxious, God is near us. Not at the end, not waiting for us, but with us through it.

Another thing that really works is breathe prayer. It’s pretty much something where you breathe while reciting Bible passages to calm yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually down.

But even through the darkest night, even through the worst panic attack, don’t forget that God will lead you through it. He will be the strength for you when you don’t have any strength yet. He will be the light for you through it even when you can’t see. So take courage, have faith, and never forget God is right beside you during this.

Prayers for y’all!